Never Surrender

There have been so many sad moments in my life, however I am pretty sure sitting around sulking in the sadness will do nothing good for me. There are times I find myself just down I don’t smile, I don’t speak, I don’t SING, and I just sit around letting my bad mood muster. These moments make for long days and grey nights. I have noticed when I am down I become a better writer; I am able to use my feelings and pour them on to a blank screen, paper, the notepad on my phone, or whatever I can write on. The words are noticeably more profound and deep when I am sad.

I don’t know why but when I’m happy and put pen to paper my words sound so forced and that is when I find myself in discouraging writer’s block. It is hard to be a writer and happy, you almost have to be two different people to write meaningful things. You have to be able to unlock the darkness when you need to write and then lock it all back up to feel normal and sound again. This is a way I write however, sometimes the darkness is hard to lock back up. I use certain strategies to bring myself out of the shadows but not before the dark brings this out of me:

Ode to the Dark

Written by April Ibarra

Aug. 12th sometime in the early hours:

I have to the let the darkness swallow me

If I fight against it for the light I would lose everything

I’ll let it take me tonight, swallow me whole taking my soul

Let the pain sink its teeth deep into me, inserting its unhealthy whispers

I’ll gasp for air only to know maybe death do us part

So hold me close if only for a moment because the light it only lasts for the present

But be sure to take your leave at dusk because the darkness comes for me

I wrote that poem because I was sad and had the chance to get my creative juices flowing. I had to let it run its course and put pen to paper. The poem is saying that if I don’t let the darkness come and take me I won’t be able to write anything. I have to let it take me because I have to write. I want to be a writer that isn’t scared of her feelings, someone who will write what is in her heart. Eventually I have to turn off the sadness to continue to be a mother, daughter, sister, and worker, etc. So I lock them up tight.

Some of the tools I use to bring me out of me reverie are simple but very useful. I write, I write and I write. I write what is on my mind; I write poetry, I write stories, and I journal to get things off my mind. I write and finally all the sadness is gone. I listen to music and watch the videos. I sing at the top of my lungs and cry it out. I workout, it gets my blood pumping and produces endorphins. I spend time with my family and special time with my kids. All of these tools help me break away from the shadows that try to imprison me and when they don’t I talk to someone about my feelings.

Some of the best artist were sad and broken some examples are Vincent Van Gogh, Frida Kahlo, Jim Morrison, Kurt Cobain, and Amy Winehouse just to name a few. Some of them never found their way out of the dark and let it swallow them whole. I prefer to embrace the darkness but surrender to the light. If you ever feel that you can’t break away and the tools you have been using aren’t working find someone to talk to but NEVER surrender to the shadows. Peace, Love, and Music everyone!

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